Losing someone close to you in any fashion is very hard. It’s a challenge when you have to go on and learn how to navigate the future without that someone by your side. The grieving process is different for everyone, it can often be lonely and isolating.
It is selfish to tell people who are dealing with grief to just get over it or to just be “normal”. Empathy is a bridge to action and instead of telling others to fit into the mold of how you want them to be and feel, we should be asking how to be a support. Maybe try listening instead of trying to fix everything.
I remember when my brother was alive there would be times where I would tell him what I assumed his problem was instead of just being there listening and being a comfort. Who was I to be on that uppity high horse? That kind of behavior that I used to exhibit was very self-serving and I am so glad that guy is long gone. My brother didn’t need nor deserve the constant regurgitated lectures about what he wasn’t doing in his life. Some of the stuff that he was dealing with he pretty much probably already felt and didn’t need the added pressure of being told how he was living wasn’t right. Looking back and reflecting I think all he needed and wanted unconditional love and a friend. Losing him so tragically was an eye-opener about the bitterness that I was carrying and the importance of just loving and treating others the way God truly loves and sees us all.
We spend too much time sometimes trying to think that we know so much about what people need to do based on generalizations instead of just sitting in solidarity and being a comfort and most importantly asking the question, What do you need at this moment?
These days I welcome my peace and in my travels these past two years they’ve taught me about what it means to be peaceful for others. I also deal with grief one day at a time and one moment at a time. We all deal with it differently and it is complex. It is very arrogant and hurtful to assume someone should live according to someone else’s way of living just because their grief makes you feel some type of way.
People are people and people need people. we need less callous judgment and more understanding.